This weekend I went to the best Halloween party I've been to in over 2 decades, which is another way of saying it was the only Halloween party I've been to in over two decades. Kidding aside, it was the worst time I've ever had at a party, although I probably had as good a time as I realistically could have expected, taking into account my social anxiety and the fact that I didn't know anybody there.

I haven't done anything for Halloween since I was a kid, and even then, I didn't always have the best experiences. At least once, my siblings and I had to forego trick-or-treating because we got a 3 day weekend and our Mom grabbed the opportunity to visit her parents. Because our grandparents lived on a farm, it wasn't really practical to walk door to door. Our Mom did have us put on our costumes and drove us to a couple houses, but it was really an excuse for her to visit with people she knew.

I also remember that in 3rd grade, I personally made the choice to skip trick-or-treating altogether because I felt depressed. I don't remember exactly why I felt that way, but I probably couldn't have explained it then either.

So, this lady at the place where I work invited me to this party, which was very nice of her. She was like, "Bring your girlfriend, bring your friends." Well, if I had either, I might not have felt so tempted to go to a party thrown by strangers. Instead, I went by myself.

I was embarrassed to set foot outside my apartment in my costume except under cover of darkness, so I had a late start. Then I had trouble locating the place, so I was ultimately over an hour late. My tardiness and poor sense of direction turned out to be somewhat of an advantage, however, since when I got there, there were only a handful of people, and the lady who invited me hadn't even shown up yet, and wouldn't for another half hour. And when she finally did, she only stuck around for about ten minutes and then left again because she'd forgotten something at home because she's a flake. So I sat off in a corner by myself. Eventually, more people arrived, and I had as much success connecting with them as I did the people I'd already met. Everybody seemed perfectly nice, but nobody made any effort to talk to me or get me out of my shell.

I hesitate to add this detail, because it didn't make me any more or less ill at ease, but I was also the whitest person there. Not only that, but I couldn't help observing the irony that I'd made myself even whiter with the stupid clown makeup I'd smeared on my face.

Yes, I went as the Joker, which was was really unoriginal and far from my first choice, but I couldn't get my desired costume together in time, which is maybe for the best because the effort would have been wasted anyway. When I first saw images of Heath Ledger's Joker, I was disppointed that the character was wearing makeup because I like the traditional Joker origin story, but it worked well within the movie, plus it makes for an easy costume.

Also, the hospital scene in The Dark Knight eliminated the need to find a purple suit because I could just use this white nurse's uniform I got when I was planning going as a different character entirely. Nobody commented on this, even though this other guy got enormous flack for his Scottish costume. I hate to think of the ribbing my brother might have gotten from this crowd, considering he wears nothing but kilts. Maybe it wasn't obvious I was in a dress since I kept my coat on the entire time.

I forgot to mention, this party was held mostly outside in freezing temperatures, maybe because everyone there was a chain smoker. My throat still feels weird from all the second hand smoke I was exposed to.

I'd been trying to decide how soon I could politely depart since the moment I arrived, but I didn't get away for three hours. If I told my sister about all this, she'd probably say she was proud of me for going. This sort of thing is liable to make me think twice about attending any parties in the future, though.