Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday the other day. While it wasn't as good as I'd hoped it would be, it was still far from the worst I've had.
The Milwaukee Public Museum is doing a sci-fi film festival over the upcoming weeks, starting this past Thursday with Jurassic Park, which seemed like it would have been a really fun thing to go see for my birthday. I haven't seen that movie in its entirety since it was originally in theaters. I remember we went with my maternal grandmother, who for the life of her could not pronounce the title- it was just one of several words she has trouble with. Afghanistan is "Affa-ghanistan" to her, "cell phone" is "cell telephone" and cleavage is "clevish." I know that last one because I was watching TNG at her house once, and during a scene with Counselor Troi, Grandma went, "You can see her clevish."
My plans to see that movie were derailed, however, by a burned-out headlight on my car. Wait, how do I even have a car? If you bother to read my journals, you may recall that I had to get rid of my car. I got ticketed because it was making too much noise and broke down right in front of a cop, and because I couldn't afford to fix it up, I just sold it in order to pay off my fines. Well, without asking me, my dad bought his friend's car and gave me his old one, which I feel funny about, especially because he's always telling me how I got the better deal. I'm not sure that's strictly true, though, since I've had a couple problems with it since then. Not one week after it was signed over to me, it started leaking brake fluid. And now this thing with the headlight, which I assumed would be a relatively simple thing to fix, but my mechanic replaced the bulb and it still wouldn't turn on, so now it looks like it's going to be a way more complicated and expensive repair than I originally counted on.
Sure, I could always risk driving the car without the headlight, but I don't think I could afford another run-in with the law.
I entertained the possibility of maybe taking the bus to the museum, but I haven't ridden a bus in years and find the bus routes nigh impossible to decipher. I know I'd probably screw it up, and I didn't think I'd enjoy ending my birthday by getting hopelessly lost or stranded downtown.
My mechanic is right next to the apartment building where I lived until a short time ago, which used to be very convenient, but because I don't live there anymore and had nowhere else I could go, I spent several hours hanging out at the library while I waited to get word on my car. I didn't mind that so much; it at least allowed me the chance to relax and read, which is something I haven't done since I moved.
Though it would not be anywhere near as special, I can always just rent the stupid movie. While I was at the library, I checked the shelf to see if they had Jurassic Park, and they did, but then when I looked again a short time later, it was gone! Someone had beaten me to it, dammit! Oh, well. I got a different movie and watched that at home instead.
Every time I have a birthday, my paternal grandmother has to ask me how old I am, even though I'm pretty sure she knows. Last week she asked me my age I was and I told her, and she said, "How old are you after next week?," like she can't add one to get her answer. I think she just likes to hear me say it out loud so she rub the passage of time in my face. "That's pretty old," my 93 year old grandmother said with a laugh. "Yeah, that's how old Van Gogh was when he died," I replied, slightly ominously.
Not that I'm thinking of cutting off my ear and ending it all or anything. For one thing, unlike Van Gogh, I don't have very much to leave behind at this point, except a big mess for my family to sort through. I do have my dark moments- I feel like I'm just constantly letting people down. Having to accept my dad's car as a gift was humiliating for one thing. Because of my depression and anxiety, I can barely take care of myself or function in society. But as Woody Allen says in Hannah and her Sisters, "What the hell, it's not all a drag."