~rocketdave

Independence Day always seems like the beginning of the end of summer to me. Immediately afterwards they start with the “Back to School” ads. Although it’s been ages since I dropped out, seeing commercials with big yellow busses and fall colors still give me a queasy feeling

I barely noticed summer had even started, apart from the heat. The holiday might have passed me by unnoticed as well, except it's kinda hard to ignore when the parade goes right past my new apartment and the fireworks go off across the street. Not that I had anywhere to go, but I felt somewhat trapped here, forced to guard my parking spot from slack-jawed gawkers who apparently believe "tenant parking only" and "violators will be towed" signs don't apply if it's a holiday.

July 4th also turns out to be Nathaniel Hawthorne's birthday. I'm not gonna pretend I’m an expert in literature, since after just having spent half the weekend with a trio of English majors, I feel exceedingly dumb. But whenever I feel my persecution complex going into overdrive, I often think of this one story of Hawthorne’s, "The Artist of the Beautiful." It's about a watchmaker who spends 5 years working on a mechanical butterfly, much to the disdain of the people around him, who place more importance on practical matters. I understand Hawthorne had a habit of hammering you over the head with allegory, but something about this story kinda hit home for me.

One line I have memorized goes, "The leaden thoughts and the despondency that you fling upon me are my clogs, else I should long ago have achieved the task I was created for." In other words, it's everyone else's fault that I haven't reached the artistic potential I showed from an early age.

On the other hand, maybe my own laziness has something to do with it. Even though I don’t think it’s a great story, and it would be pretentious to compare myself to the main character, I guess I find that story somewhat comforting when I feel nobody appreciates my "gift." I don’t always feel very gifted, though. What the hell task did I think I was created for anyway?

The most recent reason I’m feeling discouraged is because *mallaard is starting this club, *SatAmRevival, in in which the intent is for people to contribute a comic once a week, which sounds very cool, and like the sort of thing I would love to participate in. The problem is, I can’t seem to come up with an idea for a comic I’d want to do on a weekly basis. I’m never lacking in ideas for art, but when it comes to doing something on a broader scale, I can’t think of anything that I feel passionately enough to hold my interest. Maybe I just don’t have a story inside me that’s dying to be told. I mean, since everything’s been done already, what’s the point? My lack of creativity in this area is making me somewhat depressed.

On another note, I’m thinking of changing my avatar. I highly doubt this is likely to cause confusion on a massive scale, but if anyone has any strong feelings about that, they can let me know.

Clubs I'm in: